Montgomery County, Tennessee:
My story begins when I was 21 years old and I had lost my husband to an accident
at his work. We were a young couple just starting out with our whole lives
ahead of us. But that particular day, August 28, 1985,
would be our last together. Nevertheless it would not be the last time I would
hear from him.
His dad
picked him up that morning as they rode to work every morning. I was standing
in the kitchen and he poked his head back in the door briefly to tell me one
more time “I love you pookie poo.” It was 8:30 Wednesday morning when I
received a call from a friend that worked with him saying “Tracey, you may want
to go to the hospital because Chris has been hurt but don’t worry, he’ll be
alright.” But in my mind I knew he wasn’t alright because Chris had always told
me not worry about him unless someone else ever called me. I worked across the
street from the hospital at the time so it didn’t take me long to get there.
All I had was a quarter to my name that day and so I used it to call his work
and to try and find out more. While I was on the phone trying to find out more,
I looked up and my mother came walking through the doors of the hospital. When
I saw her and knew I hadn’t called her, I again knew, he was gone from me.
Shortly afterwards, the ambulance pulled up and I ran outside to see them taking
him out of the back with no movement from him. He had been electrocuted while
at work and no one could do anything for him. He was gone.
Sometime
later, I dreamt one night that he had left me but it was for another woman. He
and that woman walked through the door of our house and I felt like if I could
beat her up and get her out of the picture I would have him back. But my dream
skipped all of that and took me to the front porch talking to him, and asking
why – why did you leave me – please come back to me and all he could say to me
was “I can’t tell you why Tracey, all I can tell you is that I’m happy.” That
seemed to ease my pain for awhile.
Still
devastated by his sudden death, I had a difficult time at 21 years old trying to
find my way through life. I had another dream, one that would help me
tremendously but the best was yet to come.
I dreamt
another time that I met a man who knew of my devastation and who had told me
that if I like, he could arrange a short visit with Chris so that I could spend
some time again with him. But if he did this for me, I could not tell Chris who
I was or what had happened to him. I agreed. I met Chris at our favorite place
that we liked to go with our friends. There was laughter and happiness during
this whole time and sadness for me because I knew I couldn’t say anything to him
but at the same time it was as if he had made the same deal with the same man
that I had made my deal with. At the end of our visit we were standing on some
rocks over looking the sea, feeling this sense of having to let go of him – I
begged him to not leave and to please stay. Again, he said he couldn’t stay but
he did love me and as he walked away, he walked out into the water towards a man
standing in the water with his arms stretched out towards him and they both
vanished. So to me that was God’s gift to me – both of us – for letting us
spend just that little bit of time together.
Sometime
later, I had remarried and was able to carry on with my life – still feeling the
pain of losing him and still having bad days – especially when the anniversary
date of his death would come around. It would be 4 years to the date that I
gave birth to a healthy baby boy -- on the anniversary date of Chris’ death –
August 28th. So again, I feel like he was telling me – “now you have
a birthday to celebrate each August 28th instead of feeling sadness."
Forever
Yours
-Unsigned.