HARD TO EXPLAIN TALES...28 - This is My Story

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HARD TO EXPLAIN TALES 28

This is My Story

My name is John M. and I am presently a full-time student in accounting and a practicing accountant in the New York metro area. I am writing to tell you an event from my childhood that I think will interest you.

When I was very young, possibly around 6 or 7 years old, I fell into a serious illness. This illness worsened as my body refused to take any fluids or eat anything at all. My mother, who is a devote Christian, prayed by my bedside everyday and night. She tried to keep me alive and was worried, mainly because I had an extremely high fever.

As my condition worsened, I began having bouts of hallucinogenic dreams and visions. As I whimpered to my mother every hour, I started to change my actions. Suddenly, and this was actually told to me by my mother (I had barely any recollection of the events), I began screaming and cursing my mother, God, and her prayers. I screeched (I remember this) that I hated her prayers and I wanted her to die. Oddly enough, I cannot remember being conscious for this whole experience. Truth is, I probably was sleeping when this all occurred (could be the reason why I only remember almost nothing).

I did not have a clear picture of what I was doing physically and what I was saying verbally, but I clearly remember what I was dreaming about.

The reoccurring preceding images (and sensations) to the instance of screaming and yelling focused on my hand and the world. I saw that there was this tiny ball in the center of my palm and with all my strength I was trying to crush it. Problem was (in the images) the ball was too small for my hand to fully crush it. I consistently look back to that feeling and compare it to when you just wake up from sleep and you try to clench your fist (you feel as if you can't do it because your muscles are still awakening).

After I had these images in my mind, during sleep, I had told this to my mother multiple times. Repeatedly I tried to explain what I was seeing in my mind, yet it was very difficult because I was in a hallucinogenic state of mind (sleeping or awake).

Strangely, during the time I started screaming, I distinctly remember a very vivid vision. The world had become tremendous and I was holding onto the lower hemisphere with my arms. I was able to place my hands right below the midsection of the earth, but I started slipping downward slowly. Below me I saw a dense mass of children yelling to me and grabbing for my feet. As far as I can remember, these children were evil and I was terrified of them. They were taunting me to fall into their grasps and I desperately tried to hold onto the world. Their faces were contorted with either anguish or anger. The last thing I remember was falling. Then I woke up and I was once again telling my mother what happened in my visions, still weak from illness.

The very first thing I said to her was, "Mommy I'm okay".

She had been crying for a long period of time, praying for me and shaking in faithful fervor. She held me with so much love and then told me all the things I was doing while she was praying.

I was a VERY innocent and pure child, and the world was making me into a tough SOB.

I have been touched by the Holy Spirit twice in my life, once before I spiraled into a chaotic teenage life, and once when that teenage life ended. Deep inside I am still the innocent child.

This is my story and it is true.

-John M.